Take my breath away

I am stupid.

I was always so against smoking and smokers. I never wanted to be one of them. I never ever thought they were cool. I am now a smoker and I disappoint the child inside of me every day.

Yesterday, I was sitting with a nameless, faceless friend over a capuccino, a Sprite, Earl Grey tea and a Coca-Cola Light. He told me that he constantly disappoints the kid inside of him. My friend and I are two sides of the same coin.

We are both selfish. Self-deprecatively selfish.

I need. He needs. I need in limitless amounts. He does too. I need so I take until I'm given no more. I need because. I need because of a thousand things.

It's effortless to say:

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and godammit, people like me."

It's more difficult to accept.

The funny thing is that when you start smoking, you find solace in hanging around smokers. You find a middle ground to stand on.

I started smoking to be social. At the time, I thought that if I smoked, I would have more experience doing something, therefore would have more to talk about.

I'm still smoking but at least I don't make excuses anymore. I just smoke.

We're all suffering, regardless of cancer intake or social outgrowth.

The cigarettes give me what I need. I have my freedom and my inspiration so nothing else really matters because unlike people, cigarettes still know how to take my breath away.