Sunburn

I'm going to the beach tomorrow! Yay!

Wait. Don't get so excited.

The beach isn't a walk away from home. It's around two hours and a half away from home. With my mommy driving, it'll take a little longer than that but I don't mind. I'll end up sleeping in the car.

It's 10:08 p.m. and I'm still at work. I'm taking the day off tomorrow so I might as well stay. I think the only thing that's actually bothering me about going to the beach is having my religious aunt and my pubescent cousin's son there.

The beach there is cool. It's a new place so there aren't too many people and it's nearly always empty which is what I call a vacation place. I don't really understand those people who flog to Sharm El Sheikh during peak season. It's actually a tiny bit worse than being in a rotting fish market for a week. Sweaty, slimy men and lumpy women in virtually nothing grinding to rave music. You do not grind to rave music. Actually, you don't do much to rave music.

My plans:

1. Get a sunburn.
2. Start and finish a book.
3. Wake up and sleep early.
4. Ignore my family.
5. Stretch in my bikini in front of my religious aunt.
6. Turn up the music when they're gossiping about family members who aren't there.
7. Lose weight. [Fat chance.]
8. Wear lip balm all the time.
9. Smell nice for no one.
10. Wear nothing on my nails.
11. [I wrote 12 and realized I don't know how to count.] Smoke less.

Okay, everyone's leaving the office finally. Thank God! I can leave! Wheeeeeee!

Take my breath away

I am stupid.

I was always so against smoking and smokers. I never wanted to be one of them. I never ever thought they were cool. I am now a smoker and I disappoint the child inside of me every day.

Yesterday, I was sitting with a nameless, faceless friend over a capuccino, a Sprite, Earl Grey tea and a Coca-Cola Light. He told me that he constantly disappoints the kid inside of him. My friend and I are two sides of the same coin.

We are both selfish. Self-deprecatively selfish.

I need. He needs. I need in limitless amounts. He does too. I need so I take until I'm given no more. I need because. I need because of a thousand things.

It's effortless to say:

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and godammit, people like me."

It's more difficult to accept.

The funny thing is that when you start smoking, you find solace in hanging around smokers. You find a middle ground to stand on.

I started smoking to be social. At the time, I thought that if I smoked, I would have more experience doing something, therefore would have more to talk about.

I'm still smoking but at least I don't make excuses anymore. I just smoke.

We're all suffering, regardless of cancer intake or social outgrowth.

The cigarettes give me what I need. I have my freedom and my inspiration so nothing else really matters because unlike people, cigarettes still know how to take my breath away.

Kung Fu Fighting

So it's been a while since I posted.

Yes, I am a lazy bum.

If you have the patience, stick with me.

August 1st marked my dear sweet loving mommy's birthday [the same mommy who got me a birthday cake that I didn't want!].

I had to go to Nile FM to bitch at them because they hadn't sent me the voice over that I needed over e-mail so I had to drive all the way there to make sure that they had gotten it done. I finished there and faced a dilemma.

I had to get my mom flowers because I know she loves them.

Now, if you know where Nile FM is you'll understand that there is no way possible that you'll find a flower shop there. Desert everywhere. Some cars. More desert. Some houses. More sand. Some donkeys. A big hypermarket. More desert.

I had to drive all the way down to Faisal St., which is a ghetto, ghetto, street that I highly dislike other than the funny shop names there! So I find a flower shop there and I go inside. Surprise, surprise. Ugly flowers. But hey, roses will do. So I go with yellow roses. Nice. Pretty. And hey, they even smell nice, those ones! Yessssssss!

So I'm fascinated with how fast the man is working to arrange a pretty bouquet for me and I'm disrupted by a Ninja tapping on my shoulder.

[Ninja: a woman who is dressed in all black and is not only veiled but has her whole face covered. I am proud to have had a conversation with.... a ninja.]

*Breaks into song*

"Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they did it with expert timing"

In Arabic, the conversation ensues:

Ninja: Peace be upon you. I am sister Nesma [Breeze, Ha!]. I would like you to take this tape and listen to it.

Me: *blink*

Ninja: Don't worry. Take it. It won't explode in your tape recorder.

Me: I don't want it.

Ninja: Please take it. It's by Sheikh Mahmoud El Masry.

[At this point, I almost burst out laughing. The only Mahmoud El Masry I knew was a cheesy character in an Arabic soap opera aired in Ramadan. Guess what the soap opera was called? Yep! That's it! Mahmoud El Masry!]

Me: *smirk*

Ninja: You don't know Sheikh Mahmoud El Masry?

Me: No. I'm sorry. *shakes head acting reaaaally sorry and even purses lips some.*

Ninja: Are you a Muslim?

Me: Yes.

Ninja: Thank God. You should say Thank God.

Me: Thank God.

Ninja: Please take the tape and just listen to it. Don't be afraid. I am your sister, Nesma.

Me: O...kay. *takes tape and shoves it in bag.*

Ninja: Peace be upon you, sister.


So I look at the tape she gave me after she left. And oh God. They're trying to get me veiled! And through what? Through a tape by a soap opera character!

I went home and gave my mom the bouquet of flowers and the tape. Ha! You should have seen her face! Poor mommy!

If anyone's curious:

1. I did not listen to the tape.
2. If you're interested, let me know and I'll send it to you.
3. I am not getting veiled.

Now for some photos! Good night, you. I know someone is reading. I hope... someone is reading.

This is one of those funny shops on Faisal St.




I spotted a few donkeys outside of Nile FM too!
Naturally, I get to wait outside for 10 minutes
without a pass
while donkeys are let in for free.


Oh, I nearly forgot. A mango fell from a tree
and broke my windshield.
Yeah, laugh, why don't you?
Do you think it's because I'm not veiled?

And finally, we present to you:
Ninja tape!