Hi5: The Comedian

I decided to check my hi5 account this morning.

Here are just a few examples of things I get, which in turn will make you understand why I love my account so much. Laughing this hard has got to be the best thing God ever allowed me to do.

Let's split them into two categories: friend requests & messages and let's do three and three for now because I've got a lot of work to catch up on.

Friend requests:

1. MakingloveMan wants to be your friend!

2. Cazanova wants to be your friend!

3. hot wants to be your friend!


Messages:

From EissBerg To Sarah Date 10-5-2006 10:25 AM Subject sarah, what's your mail address, please ????

Message

hallo sarah, what's your mail address, please ? ARE YOU REAL ? ARE YOU WILD, HIGH and HYPER ? are you crazy enough to take off your shoe, and stroke your toes with your partner's in a first date, do you like feet massagge, did you try it much before that you massagge someone's feet with yours ???????????????? are you true, or only some words and a foto online ? is it so dangerous and scarey for you to exchange our mobile phones' numbers ? shall we dance, seniorita? eissberg

From cherif To Sarah Date 9-19-2006 1:03 AM Subject your personality apears in your profile

Message

well dear lady its so difficult for me to find nice words for you i will be just myself iam sherif a 37 years old man from cairo heliopolies working in tourism field in a manengerial position just returned from dubai as i was working there for 4 years lady hope to gain the honor of your friendship iam so nice gentle love to live my life enjoy every moment in it so pls give me a chance to win your friendship my email cherifmourice@hotmail.com i have a web cam so we can have a cam to cam chat and my other email is chiro_baky@yahoo.com promis never to let u dowen or heart u in any way or heart your feelings u are an angel pls give me this chance

From Poooor To Sarah Date 9-18-2006 7:17 AM Subject can i meet u ?

Message

hi.... am po0o0r that my nick name bs nick name bas mesh fe3l wallahy lo0o0o0ol... can i talk to u in msn ... for being friends .. am realy talking a bout friends coz i know the real mean of it ..i was out of egypt i need to know 2alot of people herei hope u r the first one ... plz if u r realy funny as i think i hope , send me ur mail or add that mail beta3y ..( maximos_mada@hotmail.com ) plz if u kaman mesh 3awza 2eb3ately message we 2olely 3'ooor fy seeeten dahya ya beta3a ... deal ??? am happy that u read thiz message and make me being thzt when i read urs

C'mon! You've got to laugh.

The underwear oracle speaks.

What Your Underwear Says About You

You like to think of yourself as innocent, even though you're not! You're a closet exhibitionist who gets a thrill from being secretly naughty.

The Underwear Oracle

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary. If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

What Kind of Blogger Are You?

I stole your mother's husband! Uh-huh!

I am trying to win the affection of my boyfriend's son but it's so difficult. He likes everybody but me. He likes my mother who feeds me cake. He likes my sister who can't go to the supermarket without earrings on. He likes his grandmother who feeds him soup. He likes everybody but me.

I feel like I'm Chris from "Everybody hates Chris."

I think he has it in his mind that I stole his father from his mother. I did not. They were divorced. It is my complete right to date his father and hope that some day in my fairytale fantasy that it will last and we will be happy forever, kids and all.

I want him to like me. I'll go cry in a corner now.

Musical recommendations for a boring day

1. Into dust - Mazzy Star
   
2. Roxanne - Sting & the Police
3. Hedonism - Skunk Anansie
4. Raoui - Souad Massi
5. Me and my monkey - Robbie Williams
6. Song to say goodbye - Placebo
7. Dream about me - Moby
8. Sex and candy - Marcy Playground
9. Sorry or please - Kings of Convenience
   

Poison Ivy

You Are More Like Angelina Jolie

Bad girl with a heart of gold. You are smart, sexy, and strong willed. You aren't against stealing another girl's man... If he's better off with you!

Are You More Like Jennifer or Angelina?

*bend body to look like I have a bad pain in my stomach while flexing my arm muscles.*
Yessss! I'm definitely happy to be an Angelina. I don't like Jennifer. She's too syrupy sweet. I don't like girls who drip sugar.

Whee!

My celebrity boob twin is:

Angelina Jolie

Who's Your Celebrity Boob Twin?

Now if I could just get the rest of the figure.

Natural Vamp

What People Think of Your Mouth

"People see you as both seductive and intimidating. Other women are especially put off by your womanly powers. And men either fear you or obsess over you - sometimes both. No way to fight it - you're a natural vamp."

What Does Your Mouth Say About You?

Bedtime Stories

Last night was a good night.

I went shopping with my mom, bought a hair band and 2 pairs of earrings, 2 coloring books for my boyfriend's kids and another book for him called "Bedtime Stories" for him to read to his kids before they go to bed. "Bedtime Stories" sounds awfully naughty but it's probably just my Madonna-generation background talking. I also saw a lady with a black eye, healing gradually but still badly bruised. Yesterday is when I proved to myself that we really are a stereotypical TV/Internet generation. The first thing I thought upon seeing her eye was [add the thinking bubble over my head]:

"Fuck that asshole! I can't believe he beat her up like that! I wonder why he did it. Hmmm."

But what if she wasn't beaten up? What if she had honestly seriously just walked into a door? See. There it is again. So if she wasn't beaten up, it had to be a door? That's the second movie/Archie comic book stereotype. I was so intrigued, I just wanted to walk up and ask her. But I couldn't.

I met a close friend over Frescato, Mozarella & Sun Dried Tomato Panini, Latte and Green Tea with mint. There was a song that kept playing that drove me crazy. You know those songs that you remember so clearly growing up but were never interested enough to know their names because you thought they would always just be around based on your stupid child-like mentality? You grow up and come to realize that you should have concentrated more as a kid so that you would have not been put in that stupid situation where you were sitting at a cafe listening to a song that is driving you crazy because you can't remember it's name.

After getting home, I stayed up talking and laughing with my mom until 4 a.m. It had been such a long time since I had spent time [that I can call worthwhile] with her. She woke my sister up at 4 to have something to eat and to pray and she asked me to pray with them. Generally, my mother doesn't interfere with whether I pray or not mainly because we had a discussion a while back about how I do not like people telling me to pray because it always detracts from the feeling when I do. You can go ahead and name-call if you're like. I felt so at ease when I did. I don't think it was that I was praying. It was that I was praying with them.

I'm hungry right now. I don't know whether I should go back to sleep [although it's 2:42 p.m. and I woke up at 1:30 p.m.] or go zonk out in front of the TV [which I'm starting to like a little more than I used to].

View from my bedroom. Sunrise 5:30 a.m.

Musical recommendations of the fat and the friendless

My recommendations for today in no particular order.

1. Sitting on top of the world - Al Jolson
2. Nobody's wife - Anouk
3. Wake me up before you go go - Wham!
4. Que sera sera - Doris Day
5. Stupid girl - Garbage
6. Paradise city - Guns n' Roses
7. Heartbeats - Jose Gonzalez
8. Can't touch this - MC Hammer
9. The way you make me feel - Michael Jackson
10. Feeling good - Nina Simone
11. Here comes the sun - The Beatles
12. Feelin' Love - Paula Cole
13. Sitting on the dock of the bay - Otis Redding
    

Closure: Part One.

At the age of 14, I dated a boy with blue green eyes that shined as bright as my nail polish. He was never too interested and I was never too confident. I hated cigarettes and he used to smoke in the back seat of the school bus. I was goody goody two shoes with black nail polish and glasses. He was part of the school "mob" [for lack of a better word]. He dated unattractive girls older than him. I dated boys who fit the part of a full-time companion and had time for me.

He collected empty booze bottles. I had an alcoholic father. He listened to Tupac and had pants that sagged so low that if he tripped, they'd fall off. I did not fit the description of "cool" and secretly listened to Chopin. He is the only boy who has ever properly dumped me and meant it and I am thankful. We did not fit the part.

It has been six years since I've seen him. I would like to apologize for being such a pain in the ass and get closure. And no, I'm am not re-enacting the movie, High Fidelity.

If you have his e-mail address, pass it on.

Smile today. It makes you feel better even when you don't want to.

Blue-Green Toes

Most girls have a fascination with lipstick before any other cosmetic product. I was never a lipstick person. To this day, I rarely use lipstick. I'm more of a lip balm person even if I'm going to a wedding at night and I have a lot of make up on. When I say "a lot of make up", I don't mean I look like a layered cake. My make-up is usually discreet.

I'm wearing blue-green nail polish. It's been such a long time since I've bought a bottle of nail polish that stood out from the rest. I used to be so into "funky punky" nail polish colors as a kid/teenager. I was dying for the day to come when I could wear nail polish.

When I was 11, my mom allowed me to wear clear nail polish. I was so in love with it that I had it on all the time. I would take meticulous care of my nails. I was obsessed.

I got into university at the age of 16. I stuck to my strange colors. I was happy to have them on. They would make me happy. I don't know when I changed. I became more proper. More french-manicured.

So right now, I'm definitely happy with myself and my blue-green nails. My nails are cut short right now and they're proudly painted bright!

The Urinator, The Well Wisher, & The Whore

Uro-Solvine Effervescent Salt is working! I feel the pain diminishing.

So I'm done with that medicine and I'm onto the next.

Coli-urinal.

It makes me feel like it's medicine for dogs with urinary tract infections. It's the "coli" part.

I've been drinking massive amounts of water over the past two days and I've been peeing like someone who has been holding it for 22 years. But hey, it's a good feeling. I honestly believe that peeing is one of the best, most relaxing feelings in the world. I think that the "aaah" sound they make in Pepsi/Coca Cola commercials after they're done with their can should be used once you're done peeing.

It's Saturday and I'm at work because of the stupid presentation we have tomorrow. I hope it goes well. I hope the guy likes my campaign. I hope he hurts his finger doing something stupid if he doesn't like my campaign. I hope it's so stupid that he'd be embarrassed to say it. I hope someone does something nice for him if he likes my campaign.

I saw Zeek, my blogging partner, on Thursday night. He met my boyfriend for the first time. He came over and we all had a shisha in the garden. A fourth person was there but I won't tell you who he is. I sometimes forget how nice it is to sit with people that mean something to me even if they don't know they mean something to me. I personally think those three men I was sitting with that night are three of the smartest men I've ever met and the most sincere. They didn't even laugh about my peeing pains and how I had to keep getting up to pee. They made me feel completely at ease with myself and for that I am thankful. Okay, enough romance. The peeing topic was better.

My boyfriend's mother thinks I might have contracted my peeing problem from taking very hot long baths. Now, I'm afraid of taking very hot long baths which I enjoy. I enjoy them so much that I got into the habit of taking them at least 3 times a week. I hate changing my habits. Especially newly formed ones!

I've got to get back to work. I don't want to end up spending the night although it shouldn't really matter since the security guard in our building probably thinks I'm a whore anyway. Why?

1. I'm not veiled.
2. I'm usually home at 1 a.m.
3. I wear skirts.

Have a nice day.

Peeing Pain

So I have a urinary tract infection.

I pee 50 times a minute and the second I step out of the bathroom, I feel like I need to rush back in and pee some more. I also get a really bad pain right at the end of peeing. My boyfriend says I might have a kidney stone.

I wake up this morning and tell my mom I have to see a doctor. She asks why. I tell her why. She goes to her medicine drawer and takes out this thing called "Urosolvine Effervescent Salt". You dissolve it into half a glass of water and drink it down simultaneously hoping you feel better. The trick is the last bit! Keep hoping and praying. That's what gets your through the peeing pain.

My mom told me to take it three times a day today and tomorrow and if I don't feel alright by then, that's when I should go to the doctor. I trust my mom but I really hope she's right because this peeing pain is really bothering me. Did you notice that I'm enjoying saying the words "peeing pain"?

I apologize for such a short blog but I need to pee again and I'm dreading the pain.

Stop laughing.

Proud to be a pizza.

I'm proud of myself.

I used to be able to easily finish a large Pizza Hut pizza. Now, my stomach can do it if I really want to but my body becomes fully satisfied with a medium. This means:

1. I won't get as fat.
2. My body still feels happy.
3. My guy friends will stop making as much fun of me.

And yes, I am completely happy and fully satisfied right now after finishing my yummy pizza. Yay!

Stolen from Zeek

So I stole this from Zeek only because he put an "x" on the last statement that says that he wants people to put this in their journal. So here's to you, Mr. Zeek.

Three names you go by
1. Sars
2. Sukie
3. Miss K

Three physical things you like about yourself
1. Hands
2. Eyelashes
3. Clavicle

Three physical things you don't like about yourself
1. Legs
2. Nose
3. My baby toe

Three things that scare you
1. Going blind
2. Clowns
3. Loneliness

Three of your everyday essentials
1. Water
2. Toothpaste
3. Mirror

Three things you are wearing right now
1. Black shorts with orange hearts
2. Black tank top
3. An anklet my mom got me

Three of your favorite bands/musical artists
1. Tori Amos
2. Fiona Apple
3. Madonna

Three of your favorite songs
1. Stand inside your love - Smashing Pumpkins
2. Till I hear it from you - Gin Blossoms
3. Ugly girl - Fiona Apple

Three new things you want to try to do in the next 12 months
1. Quit smoking
2. Go to the gym
3. Keep my relationship going the way it is right now

Three things you want in a relationship
1. Good company
2. Lots of laughs
3. Honesty

Two truths and a lie
1. I know how to cook.
2. I love dancing.
3. I've never had a female friend.

Three things about the opposite sex that appeal to me
1. Smile
2. Neck
3. Hands

Three of your favorite hobbies
1. Photography
2. Laughing
3. Drawing

Three things you want to do really badly right now
1. Pee
2. Finish this thing
3. See Mohamed

Three careers you're considering
1. Teaching
2. Journalism
3. Photography

Three places I want to go on vacation
1. Brazil
2. Spain again
3. Mauritius

Three things to do before I die
1. Make my family completely satisfied
2. Be completely content with myself

Three celeb crushes
1. Essam El Hadary although I am not an Ahly Club fan.
2. Benicio Del Torro
3. Josh Hartnett

Put an X next to anything you did:

( ) crashed a friend's car

( ) stolen a car

( ) shoplifted

( ) been fired

(x) been in a fist fight

( ) snuck out of your parent's house

(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back

( ) been arrested

( ) gone on a blind date

(x) lied to a friend

(x) skipped school

( ) seen someone die

( ) been to Canada

( ) been to Mexico

(x) been on a plane

( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire

( ) eaten Sushi

( ) been skiing

(x) met someone in person from the internet

(x)taken painkillers

(x) miss someone right now

(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by

( ) made a snow angel

(x) had a tea party

( ) flown a kite

(x) built a sand castle

(x) gone puddle jumping

(x) played dress up

( ) jumped into a pile of leaves

( ) gone sledding

( ) cheated while playing a game

(x) been lonely

( ) fallen asleep at work/school

(x) used a fake id

(x) watched the sun set

(x) felt an earthquake

( ) touched a snake

(x) slept under the stars

(x) been tickled

( ) been robbed

(x) been misunderstood

( ) petted a reindeer/goat

(x) won a contest

(x) run a red light

( ) been suspended from school

(x) been in a car

( ) had braces

(x) felt like an outcast

(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night

(x) had deja vu

(x) danced in the moonlight

(x) like the way you look

(x) witnessed a crime

(x) questioned your heart

(x) been obsessed with post-it notes

(x) squished barefoot through the mud

(x) been lost

(x) been to the opposite side of the country

(x) swam in the ocean

(x) felt like dying

(x) cried yourself to sleep

(x) played cops and robbers

(x) recently colored with crayons

(x) sung karaok

( )paid for a meal with only coins

(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't

(x) made prank phone calls

(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose

( ) caught a snowflake on your tongue

( ) danced in the rain

( ) written a letter to Santa Claus

(x) watched the sun rise with someone you care about

(x)blown bubbles

( ) made a bonfire on the beach

( ) crashed a party(AKA a partypooper)

(x) gone rollerskating

(x) had a wish come true

(x) worn pearls

( ) jumped off a bridge

( ) ate dog/cat food

(x) told a complete stranger you loved them

(x) kissed a mirror

(x) sang in the shower

(x) had a dream that you married someone

( ) glued your hand to something/got your tongue stuck to a flag pole

( ) kissed a fish

(x) sat on a roof top

(x) screamed at the top of your lungs

( ) done a one-handed cartwheel

(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours

(x) stayed up all night

(x) didn't take a shower for a week

( ) pick and ate an apple right off the tree

(x) climbed a tree

( ) had a tree house

(x) are scared to watch scary movies alone

( ) believe in ghosts

( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes

( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say

(x) gone doorbell ditching

( ) played chicken---you're in a car and you go really fast at an on coming car and then at last moment you veer off to the edge and watch them swerve

( ) pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on

(x) told you're hot by a complete stranger

( ) broken a bone

(x) caught a fish then ate it

( ) caught a butterfly

(x) laughed so hard you cried

(x) cried so hard you laughed

(x) cheated on a test

( ) have a Britney Spears CD

(x) forgotten someone's name

(x) French braided someones hair

( ) been threatened to be kicked out of your house

( ) been kicked out your house

( ) want ur friends to put this in their Journal

My poor poor french fried nose.

I don't like Malcolm in the Middle but I love the theme song. Is that wrong?

Hey that rhymed! Song! Wrong!

Nevermind.

I've been really sick for the past week. It's finally gone away except for the weird feeling I get in my nose when I first wake up. It feels like it's about to leak all over the place but when I get out of bed, trip over my shoes that I left on the floor from the night before, reach the tissue box, pull a torn tissue out and finally blow it, it's completely blocked. Then I have difficulty breathing and making wheezing sounds that my boyfriend makes fun of. Speaking of my boyfriend, I don't like calling him my boyfriend. I was perfectly alright calling every single other boyfriend of mine a "boyfriend" but I'm just not comfortable calling him that. If anyone has any other alternatives, please let me know. Thank you.

[Before I forget, I was just making french fries before I wrote this and the oil splattered and hit my palm. I'm exaggerating. It was a tiny drop. It still hurts though. You know what sucks most though, I still have half an hour to go before eating and I'm really hungry today.]